Saturday, September 5, 2009


totally unfair.
i have liked you for so long. i cannot believe you would go to him. you are my friend, he is my friend. you know how i liked you and you said i was too feminine? i dont understand he is too! and everyone says him and i are so much alike yet you are like he is nothin like you. um how the FUCK would you know you just met him tonight. you say you liked him the moment you walked in. well guess what. thats how i feel about you. thats what i feel. the moment i walked in that building and i saw you. when i heard your story. how u just had came out, how ur parents are SO totally amazing about it. thats SO fucking cool. your seriously the best thing in a guy i could look for. you are all my fuckin standards. you are so cool, FUNNY, so SMART, you have a good family, you have a job, car, etc. your fuckin adorable. and when i tell you these things i cant believe you said "i totally should like you, not sure why i dont"
yeah, dick, not sure either. i wish i knew tho. i wish i knew what i was doing wrong. i wish i could make someone like me. would that even really be right? could people live with their relationships if they knew it was just a spell. sorry, i am listening to Nina Simones "I Put A Spell On You" and sadly, i wish i could put a spell on YOU. i wish i could make u love me. i think we would be the fucking best couple. not sure why i am so avid about it. truly, since the moment i saw you, i knew i was into you. you are so innocent and "new" and most gays would HATE that but i wanna be there to SHOW you all of the stuff. you dont want HIM!!! he goes to clubs, etc. i dont do that! ima classy gay!!! i want you so bad!!! i truly wish i could put a spell on you. why does this always happen to me tho? i mean im only 17, i could just be overreacting maybe. i hope i am just being dramatic. is that weird to say.

i ended our convo with we have to be mature adults, the truth is i cant put a spell on you. sure i will help you get to know him, if thats what you want. i am not helping you get with him because i feel as if i HAVE to be mature about this, i mean im sure thats one of the reasons, but the true thing is i just want you to be happy i guess. i mean maybe i shouldnt! you know him and i have history,... how could you like him!? ur actually a jerk for doin this! especially because u KNOW i like you. i swear i have givin up. i feel hopeless. truly.

but as i said, i have to be a mature adult about it. im going to help you. and i think it is going to kill me.

1 comment:

  1. That's rough, but hang in there. He might be all of your standards, but I would hope your standards included someone who could love you and care for you, and he obviously can't do that. I say he is a little bitch, throwing away your feelings like they are disposable.

    Hang in there, give up if you must, but as long as you do what you feel is right, you'll come out a better man.