Dear Lindsay Lohan,

Hey LiLo! I just wanted to let you know you are making it so hard for me to support you! As my friend Laura Jean says you are way too sensitive to be a celebrity! I know you did not work this hard for nothing! I know you love Samantha but ima need you to CALM down. I loooove you alot! I think you are empowering honestly, coming out in such a harsh media, but Im really going to need you to stop treating Sam like a giant dykebot.

Be a little more less crazy with your tweets. Everyone can see them okay!? I mean i post some PERSONAL ass shit on my twitter and i deal with the shit so i just wanna make sure you know Twitter can ruin you. my goal is to be ruined because i am a phoenix i will rise above the ruins but YOU dear lindsay, are a dove. A delicate sensitive white bisexual dove. And you need to fly where you know your not going to get eaten by a vulture. Or shot by a hunter.

Telling Sam you were tired of her errors is pretty extreme. I know that she is like superlesbian to you, but she is not a computer. Just because she knows everything about fish does not mean she is a knowledge database that is supposed to have no "errors".

Human beings are allowed to have errors, even if they are superlesbians.

I love you alot tho! and i am always trashtalkin Perez for the mean shit he says to you! So not cool! But I love you and im skinnier than Perez so thats all that matters.

I do approve of you and Sams relationship. She keeps you off the coke, keeps you up with your protein intake (if you catch the jist), and is a pretty stable person.

I feel that you are the type of gf that may not know when to keep your mouth shut tho, like maybe you embarrass her at parties. Which is cool, but im warning you, the newbie stage is about to end. You are about to really be all up on this lesbian scene, people are starting to realize its not a publicity stunt, u really love Sam.

So lets not make them think you are crazy.

And can you please teach your mom what twitter is? she seems to think its a place where people like her.

Love you so much! Have fun in Paris!

xoxo!