Ugh! My dad is such a goof! He is saying im watching too much movies. Im trying to explain how if I watch alot of movies and do reviews on them it will look good on my journalistic resume. And he thinks I need to focus on grades at school. Which is TOTALLY true. But I know I can do both. But if he doesn't believe me than whatever I guess. But unfortunately he makes me think. I really hope I can do it all. I have let everyone down. Including myself. Tmmrw is Alayna and I's 6 month frienderversarry! So thats good. But I miss Laura so much! : ( peace.

Ugh! My dad is such a butt! He is saying im watching too much movies. Im trying to explain how if I watch alot of movies and do reviews on them it will look good on my journalistic resume. And he thinks I need to focus on grades at school. Which is TOTALLY true. But I know I can do both. But if he doesn't believe me than whatever I guess. But unfortunately he makes me think. I really hope I can do it all. I have let everyone down. Including myself. Tmmrw is Alayna and I's 6 month frienderversarry! So thats good. But I miss Laura so much! : ( peace.

When are they going to call and say I missed first block? IM FREAKING OUT! holding the phone like insulin...

Math homework- page 189- create the drawing. Also do the take home quiz FOR A QUIZ GRADE! start on make-up work!

Okay I just want to say that television is gross. There is really nothing worth watching honestly! Everything on vh1 and mtv makes me want to throw up. Yet I am still attracted to this idea of fame. I wish there was an easy way i could get famous without making an ass out of myself. But obviously thats not how society works. Oh well. You gotta do what ya gotta do! Haha! I wish the drunk frat next door would hush. Its wednesday. Peace.

First of all. Spray on tans are gross. Really!? If you are gonna be THAT lazy... Really!? Ugh! Whatever!

I do NOT think my standards are TOO high. I just want a man who has a car, and if he doesn't to live within a five mile radius of me. I want a man who realizes I am really weird and thinks its the cutest thing ever. I want a man who likes M.I.A. but not as much as I do. Like half as much as I do. I want a man who will bring me tacos anytime I crave them! Because yall know sometimes I cant fight my cravings! I want a man who has hairy legs. I want a man who is very moderate when it comes to politics. I want a man who is very sure of himself. I already have enough confusion. I want a man with supportive parents, but this one is not a must. I want a man who gets along with my father. I want a man who would be a great father. I want a man who is a movie buff but not a snob about it. I want a man who sends me random i love you texts. I want a man who tips well at restaurants. I want a man who picks me out cute outfits. I want a man who holds me in his arms while Im watching tv, so softly that I think I am asleep because it feels like a dream. I want a man with a deep voice. I want a man who likes mushrooms on his pizza. IS ALL THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK?! peace.

I wish life WAS like Repo: The Genetic Opera. It would definately fish out the people in the world who need to be taken care of. So today I went to my moms. I picked up dinner from Yo Burrito which was REALLY DELICIOUS. And we watched the movie Heavenly Creatures with Kate Winslet. It was Kate Winslets film debut! And she was really amazing! The movie was good. And it was REALLY twisted towards the end which was not expected. Wow. The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a REALLY good book. Im half way done! I usually dont like reading but this is changing that. Tomorrow im watching the 1974 film version of The Great Gatsby. I have to read the book for English. So hopefully I can parallel it! I better not fuck up anymore! Im tired of being a failure! Peace.

grave robber... grave robber... sometimes i wonder why i even bother... grave robber... grave robber... sometimes i wonder if i need you at all!

Math homework... #10-12, 28 on page 746-747. # 10-12, 20 on page 762. Using the dot paper- find the largest pen with sixteen fence posts. What is the largest with eighteen fenceposts.?

So this is so boring. I finally find a way to sneak my phone into school and i cant really think of anything to blog about. See my dad doesnt let me take my phone to school which is silly considering i pay for it but whatever. Anyways this morning i put the sim chip in my old phone which is extremely difficult to text on btw but its what im using now. Anyways we are doing some cross word puzzle in anatomy which is no good to me because i have always been awful at cross words. Im just going to copy someone and get an a haha not too awful peace

So this is so boring. I finally find a way to sneak my phone into school and i cant really think of anything to blog about. See my dad doesnt let me take my phone to school which is silly considering i pay for it but whatever. Anyways this morning i put the sim chip in my old phone which is extremely difficult to text on btw but its what im using now. Anyways we are doing some cross word puzzle in anatomy which is no good to me because i have always been awful at cross words. Im just

So after seeing Gus Van Sants critically acclaimed film Last Days i have to say im really glad i saw it. It told the story of a Kurt Cobain like character who leaves rehab and goes to his home that he shares with his fellow band mates. The character is obviously doped up throughout the entire film, and since its loosely based on Cobain you can only assume what happens next. Its really good. Im glad i saw it. The movie repeats scenes from different angles. And i really like how it was done. But technically it was expected but how else could it have been done? I almost felt depressed watching all the interactions. They reminded me of the fucked up guy at a party you feel sorry for. But as in many great movies you feel connected. It gets a 4 out of 5. Peace.

Swine Flu!?!

What the hell IS this swine flu business!!?!

Swine influenza virus (referred to as SIV) refers to influenza cases that are caused by Orthomyxoviruses that are endemic to pig populations. SIV strains isolated to date have been classified either as Influenzavirus C or one of the various subtypes of the genus Influenzavirus A.[1]
Swine flu, unlike bird flu, is able to pass from human to human contact.[2]


well thats what wikipedia says atleast.
but as us little kiddies learn in school you cant always trust the screwheads who update wikipedia. or somewhere along those words.


So I am curious... do I need to be super worried about this swine flu??? a school in my state was shut down today because of the students flu like symptoms after a recent trip to mexico.

I have two reasons on why that school is lucky

• they got to miss school today
• they went to fucking mexico

Okay done with that side note.

But really swine flu?!?!

You may disagree, but I do have to say that the bird flu business was all a big joke for americans. I mean really it was overhyped... we even had a damn tv movie made about it!

So are americans freaking out like they did about bird flu for NO reason? or is this swine flu really an epidimic?!?!

My psychology teacher was telling me that the restaurant I work at is going to be really slow coming up because of this pandemic. Apparently people would stay inside. He also told me to get a dust mask. He may just be a kook.

but a nice kook.

My boss officially thinks my Psych teacher is crazy. And she is the one making everyone wash their hands every 5 seconds. Which is TOTALLY okay considering its a RESTAURANT but her reaction lets me know that she IS worried.

Anyways, as much as a dumb teenager I sound like, I would like to miss school because of the swine flu tomorrow. So call me dumb and irrational but you know you cant help your feelings!

haha!

peace!

ps- stay away from the wild piggies!!! even though the virus is air born.... oh well....

peace.

No Prom For Alex (Cont.)

This post is in continuation of the post about prom under this one. Sorry! My phone only lets me write so much. Anyways... I told you about how last years prom experience was AMAZING. and the truth is i really dont think anything could compare to it. Its not really worth it. And after one normal fun one and one that i consider the best experience of my life whats the point? Haha i hope all this made sense. Any questions? Just ask. Peace.

No Prom For Alex

So alot of people are asking me why i am not going to prom this year. Especially since i am planning for this year to be my last year in traditional high school. Next year i plan to get my high school diploma through the adult education high school diploma program. That is if everything goes to plan. Anyways i decided to not go to prom. I got invited to two of them though. My schools and a different one. Look i have already been to two proms. Thats more than most. Freshman year i went with my friend Rebecca. Sophomore year i went with my ex at his high school. It was his senior prom. No lie that prom was basically the best experience and memory of my life. We went as friends but i think on that day i realized how connected i felt to this guy. It was such a perfect series of moments. And now he is long gone. I wish i would have cherished every moment i had with him more. I know it sounds like im still in love but i dont think thats the case. For the LONGEST time i thought thats what was wrong. But the real feeling i had was the longing for our friendship. And i miss that everyday. But i doubt im still in "love". He was someone i needed in that time in my life and that era is in the past.

Idk If he is worth it

Change? The fact is that when people announce they are changing it may just mean they are staying very much the same. Or maybe worse? I cant tell with this situation. Sure i really like this guy but i have to face the facts that liking him is getting me to nowhere. And its a one way ticket to. Meaning when i arrive in nowhere im lost for a good long while. Part of me wants to say something but i know that rejection will be at the end of that. But maybe thats EXACTLY what i need. A good slap of rejection so i will just SHUT THE FUCK UP. because i hate being so damn sappy. But maybe i was meant to be sappy. Maybe that will make the journey worth it in the long run? I hope there is a point in my life where i can laugh at all this. Peace.

Success??

So. The trip to my moms went successful in a sense. We didn't talk. Haha. But really. Hello and goodbye is about it. Maybe its better that way. Atleast for now anyways. Tom was just telling me to ignore her, so is everyone else. And for once maybe they were right. The whole trip truly was a success. I passed on all parts. I got to spend a little time with my brothers and i avoided any conflict. Still, i wonder if one day my mom and i can just hang out. Like go to the movies or eat dinner or something. Is that too much to ask? I guess i will have to take baby steps. Only time will tell i guess. Peace.

Walks

Sun is in the sky oh why oh why would i want to be anywhere else? Walking to work is priceless. Not only does it give me a great feeling of independence but everything is so innocent on a breezey sunday morning in this city. Besides hitching a ride from my dad or a friend its not like i have many other options. I cant drive. Im of age and everything its just that i would definately not be the best driver. Haha. ITS SAFER ON THE ROADS WITHOUT ME. And besides, i really enjoy walking. So how am i blogging and walking? My phone silly. This ten dollar piece of crap does alot if you train it to. Haha. So my littlest brother noah broke his arm. So im gonna bring him some cake after work. Hopefully my mom will let me in the door. Peace.

A better place?

My dads not really emotionally there for me. But I cant complain too much. Alot of people dont even know there dads or get abused. Besides the constant verbal abuse from my MOTHER i have never been abused by a parent. So in that sense im lucky. And also my dad saved my life basically. When i was in such a bad place living with my mother my dad took me in. Thats the most emotionally there he has been there for me. Like when im sad he wont get why. And he wont talk to me about it. My mom used to talk stuff out with me but i couldn't trust her. She would tell anyone she could and use stuff against me in arguments. It wasn't fair. But the facts are im not complaining. Im lucky. I have a dad who obviously cares, just has odd ways of showing it. But i can complain that i wish my mom was talking to me. But i guess i messed that up too. But another sad fact is life is what you make it. I just hope i can make mine better in the future. Im still making mistakes but i believe my huge mistakes are out of the way. Oh gee i sure hope so. Anyways... Peace.

fail

Am i a failure? Sure I have failed a good amount of classes in my day but what does this mean exactly? If you fail school do you fail at life? I am pretty successful with life on some parts. I have a large amount of friends atleast. But my mother still wont talk to me. Im not at all sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing? Most likely both. But i hate to say i miss her. I miss so many people. I feel like life is a road trip. Where i pass by so many people. Some i wish i didn't and some i wish i cherished every moment with. You know who you are. Love is a bad word. I hate love.

Blue State

Marshall Levvy directed this 2008 "romantic comedy" about a one sided stereotypical millitant liberal who makes a drunken vow to move to Canada if George W. Bush one his second term in 2004.

So, I wouldn't exactly say a movie like this has been done before, but when you break it down to the core, this movie has been done. But all movies have if you go that deep in the core.
With that said, I must saw I REALLY LIKED THIS MOVIE.

It made sense. It was real actually. Quite Real. Just the charactar interaction seemed like it could really be going on for the most part.
It starred Breckin Meyer as the no holds democrat, John, and Anna Paquin as the obvious "love interest" Chloe.
I initially was interested in this movie because of Anna Paquin, I have to admit.
She is one of my favorite actress' along with Zooey Deschanel.

John, who works on the John Kerry campaign, makes a drunken promise right before the 2004 election, to move to Canada if Bush gets it.
Once John realizes everything in his life is completely different because Bush is still in office (realizing he left his life behind) he decides maybe that drunken promise everyone is bugging him about may just be the best option at this point.
he ends up hearing about marryacanadian.ca and the assortment of would be funny moments happen. Its not that all the jokes were'nt funny it was just it was really dry. It was funny how it made you think, but I only actually laughed to the outside world once or twice.

He posts a roadtrip option all over his town in San Francisco and meets Chloe who has obvious made up reasons she wants to go to Canada. The film is making Chloe seem mysterious so you can really think about her. and their brainwashing works!!! but the truth is John just picks her because he expects to get boned.

This movie seems like a teen melodrama, but I swear its not. I just seem to explain things like that.

You learn about each charactar so deep, the movie really makes you seem like you know these charactars. The most important part, you WANT them to be together even though it sounds so odd.

There are some scenes in the movie where they will focus on something solely for just about 15 seconds but play this sweet acoustic guitar in the background.
its one of those moments where you want to cry in a movie but nothing would really be sad. you just feel really connected to the charactars.

This movie seems to teach lessons of not being so one sided. Like dont be such a one sided democrat or republican. its SO important to know that because you have to think for yourself. people need to form opinions on their own, they need to have ACTUAL opinions. and base EVERYTHING they do off that. If you say your a die hard republican or democrat i think you ultimately fail honestly. just look into things. its not hard. to really find out what you believe in. it may seem hard, but I know its always worth it in the long run.
And thats another thing this movie teaches about. What things are worth in the long run. Both charactars battle with if they have made the right decision or were they just running away?
Its really interesting what happens. The ending was a little expected, but it was done beautifully.


I give a definate 4.1 out of 5 stars.


It really was done well and most importantly made sense.


peace.

groundings

eh.
yeah i need to start passing geometry. that would be neccesary for my well being.
anywho.
its saturday and im not going out at all. because of being grounded. because im failing math. and english, for the year technically. well not technically. its just the truth. haha.
not really funny actually.
but LP is over anyway. of course i would be in trouble say if my dad randomly comes home from work. but hopefully he will be gone till 10. gosh i hope so. idk how much trouble i would get in for lying.
see, lying gets me in a lot of trouble
i used to live with my mom. i lied alot to her. and she lied alot to me. it was a bad situation. so i got out of it. I went to AD's house for a while. but my dad made me come live with him. which is fine. its alot better actually. alot...

but im still a fuck up. for lack of better words. i never got math. english is a new add to my fuck ups.
started it last year. kinda glad i did. or i wouldn't have met SG and ML. I will talk about them later. alot. oh they visited me at work today tho, i will say that tho.

anyways. americas next top model is on.
is this television box trying to tell me to be a model?
i dont want to be one untill i watch this shit.
and the hills. the fucking hills is the worse.
they try to call it reality and all it does it say so much false things. lies btw.
its all the same shit.
and i feel like its brainwashing me.
i dont need that shit.
but i love it. ie-brainwashing.
really i dont need that. but i rot all over it. and its not because i like it. its because its on.


He was supposed to come over tonite. yeah i spell tonite the ye olde english way. get used to it. quick.



oh shucks, i burnt my sandwich : (

anyways i really want He to come over and hang out. I can't help it. its totally going nowhere. but i just wish for one sec.
what am i supposed to do when something feels so perfect to me, but probably the exact opposite to the other person.

anyway, im so dissapointed. time and time again. it doesnt make sense because usually it wouldn't matter to me. I just go on, find a new guy, but He is so cool. hes perfect. except the fact hes straight.

oh well right?

everythings so useless i guess.

i sometimes tell myself i know everything would be different if i got better grades.
but my love life?
nope.
nothing is really going to change that. age i guess. but im not sure how to move on when i think i have the perfect one and he thinks he likes girls?
nothing i guess
but its whatever
no its not


ive made so many mistakes.


im not one of those gross gays hunting for sex. thats gross. really thats trashy. just yesterday my facebook status was talking about how i think its gross that all the gays it seems except me of course in my state just LOVE to slut it up because they think thats all they have to offer.
i am not a gay like that.
i would LIKE to destroy the stereotypes.
i would like to think i have more to offer people than sex.
I probably do.
but I need to find it out.


i wish i knew it.


rest of my night? it never goes according to plan.

peace.

Things I want to be

The fact of the matter is, I cannot say much about myself.
Theres the givens-

• Im 16, almost 17
• Im a Junior in High School, unfortunately
• My mother and I do NOT get along
• I'm obsessed with M.I.A.
• I'm enthralled with American Apparel
• I'm a gay teen, in a conservative southern state
• I have had my share of drama
• I want to write shit people like

So the reason I said those random things is because the givens are basically what I will talk about the most on this blog.

Why am I doing this blog?

• I wanted to
• I like Writing
• I like to entertain
• And SG and ML told me to.

Who are SG and ML?

I will talk about them.

Along with the rest of everyone especially LE, AD, LG, LP, HP, and OR

but theres gonna be ALOT more along the way.... I still haven't figured out what I am going to call the boys... oh yes there will be boys. anyways....

I really would like to write for Nylon or Rolling Stone

Thats just basically my dream.

I also want to get the cover of People magazine one day. Just Saying.