Saturday, April 25, 2009


yeah i need to start passing geometry. that would be neccesary for my well being.
its saturday and im not going out at all. because of being grounded. because im failing math. and english, for the year technically. well not technically. its just the truth. haha.
not really funny actually.
but LP is over anyway. of course i would be in trouble say if my dad randomly comes home from work. but hopefully he will be gone till 10. gosh i hope so. idk how much trouble i would get in for lying.
see, lying gets me in a lot of trouble
i used to live with my mom. i lied alot to her. and she lied alot to me. it was a bad situation. so i got out of it. I went to AD's house for a while. but my dad made me come live with him. which is fine. its alot better actually. alot...

but im still a fuck up. for lack of better words. i never got math. english is a new add to my fuck ups.
started it last year. kinda glad i did. or i wouldn't have met SG and ML. I will talk about them later. alot. oh they visited me at work today tho, i will say that tho.

anyways. americas next top model is on.
is this television box trying to tell me to be a model?
i dont want to be one untill i watch this shit.
and the hills. the fucking hills is the worse.
they try to call it reality and all it does it say so much false things. lies btw.
its all the same shit.
and i feel like its brainwashing me.
i dont need that shit.
but i love it. ie-brainwashing.
really i dont need that. but i rot all over it. and its not because i like it. its because its on.

He was supposed to come over tonite. yeah i spell tonite the ye olde english way. get used to it. quick.

oh shucks, i burnt my sandwich : (

anyways i really want He to come over and hang out. I can't help it. its totally going nowhere. but i just wish for one sec.
what am i supposed to do when something feels so perfect to me, but probably the exact opposite to the other person.

anyway, im so dissapointed. time and time again. it doesnt make sense because usually it wouldn't matter to me. I just go on, find a new guy, but He is so cool. hes perfect. except the fact hes straight.

oh well right?

everythings so useless i guess.

i sometimes tell myself i know everything would be different if i got better grades.
but my love life?
nothing is really going to change that. age i guess. but im not sure how to move on when i think i have the perfect one and he thinks he likes girls?
nothing i guess
but its whatever
no its not

ive made so many mistakes.

im not one of those gross gays hunting for sex. thats gross. really thats trashy. just yesterday my facebook status was talking about how i think its gross that all the gays it seems except me of course in my state just LOVE to slut it up because they think thats all they have to offer.
i am not a gay like that.
i would LIKE to destroy the stereotypes.
i would like to think i have more to offer people than sex.
I probably do.
but I need to find it out.

i wish i knew it.

rest of my night? it never goes according to plan.


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