Sunday, September 27, 2009

Been Meaning To Post On This For A While

So i just figured it was time to talk about this. Just kind of had enough with peoples opinions on how they felt about the whole situation. Like I would have people send me so many messages either saying are you okay or dont be telling everyone your shit.

And the douchebags were right.

Okay this is what happened. In like late july i found a lump on my left testicle. Yes, this blog is going to be personal. Only because this is the last time i will EVER talk about this subject online.

Anyways of course i told my dad and we went to the doctor.

The doctor flat out told me it wasnt cancerous.

I was so relieved. So i posted a facebook status that said "so glad i dont have nut cancer" thats where i started going wrong.

Then, the doctor called back and said she saw something abnormal and could have been wrong. FUCK right? so i got sent to a urologist where i was then told it was a 50% chance it was cancer and they were going to give me a testicular ultrasound. of course i had to wait days for that.

i was scared shitless. and my mother and i obviously couldnt talk about it since i dont live with her/talk to her, so my sstupid teenager self posted the whole experience on FACEBOOK. every doc update, every ultrasound, and ultimately when they found out it was benign

it was the scariest two or three weeks of my life, and my imbicile self posted everything on facebook.

I had people delete me off facebook which i think is rude AND a huge deal. So i went kind of crazy. I made Stephen shave off all my hair, i withdrew from my school, and deleted basically every status i had on facebook about it. I took off my profile pictures and acted like a recluse.

I know I should not have posted that stuff on facebook, i dont even want to know what some people think of me. I know this one girl thought i was faking. which is fucked up. I just did not have any other outlet, which is no excuse.

ugh, i truly just wanted to clear the air.

i found out who my true friends were from that.


it was literally the scariest weeks of my life, and i wish i would not have posted that shit on facebook. alot of people must think i was doing it for attention which you know would make sense in a subconcious sort. i felt at that point i needed the attention. i didnt want to go to my mother, i was scared she would try to make it about her, and try to rekindle our relationship. wasnt ready for that, still am not.

I obviously wish the whole situation would not have happened in general.

the reason i did this blog was to clear the air. alot of people arent sure about what exactly happened. all they had to go off of was facebook.

i never post personal shit on facebook anymore. just lyrics and dumb thoughts.


i love everyone, especially you.


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