Monday, May 4, 2009

my weekend

so i promised that i would talk all about my weekend today. well the fact is maybe today I just dont have enough time haha. idk. maybe. i have like ten minutes spare right now.
so friday i realized somethings but now that I look back its not that I wasnt sad, its just that I realize thats just spurts I go through. I suffer through severe depression, anxiety, and mild mania. I used to be on pills but it seems like it just made things worse. to have to rely on a pill? no thanks!
anyways friday was just really awkward. my favorite teacher bitched me out because I was complaining about how hot it was and i just thought that was silly. not that he bitched me out, we all deserve that every now and again, but he really made me think.
anyways my mom and i had a plan to get sushi after school. her treat!
sushi turned into me going on errands with her and my half brothers.
which is okay, except she kept asking me awkward questions like "are you mad at me?" "do you hate me" i almost cried because of the pressure. we got dinner at a place only she wanted to go to which is no big deal because a free meal is a free meal but my brothers were complaining and she was like "ALEX WANTED TO GO HERE SO WE ARE HERE!!! TODAY IS ABOUT HIM!!!"
so at that point it was obvious she was trying to be a mother figure as easily while getting her way as possible.

and quite honestly i am not sure if "the thought that counts" fits appropriately in this sentance.
I told her to forget about the movie and drop me off. i dont think i was rude.... i just said i was tired.
anyways this fueled all this built up sadness in me about my relationship with her and my relationships with other people and I just broke down.
I watched eternal sunshine and felt sorry for myself the rest of the night.
oh well.
i feel better now.
thats mania for you.
I hate South Carolina.
I just want to start over.
I will talk about saturday later, but I have to go now. sorry.


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